I was raised in a household without religion–my father is an atheist and my mother is a spiritual agnostic–and it’s interesting to me in hindsight to see how my siblings and I took different approaches to religion as we grew up. I’m an outspoken advocate for separation of church and state and live my life as an atheist, even if philosophically I’m agnostic. My sister, on the other hand, “came out” as a Christian several years ago and regularly attends church. My brother seems to agree with whomever he’s talking to at the time; religion has little to no relevance to him. So our shared upbringing yielded different results, I suppose.

However, I do wonder how much of my atheistic inclination can be attributed to an early memory I have of my first–and only–outing to Sunday school. I was five and had been taken by my babysitter. Despite finding it to be mostly boring, we did watch a video about the resurrection of Jesus and I was awe-stricken, having never heard the story before and very little, if anything, about Jesus. I returned home to recount the story to my dad, who promptly shattered my wonder by saying, flatly and succinctly, ‘they lied to you.’ An atheist was likely born that day.

“Encourage freedom of choice, and your child can make his or her own decision as he or she gets older. Whether you believe in God or not, a child shouldn’t have to be forced into any belief system.”

Yes, but when a child chooses a religion, he or she has to deal with the criticism of the non-believer, just as the non-believer has to deal with the believer.

Lalli’s writing sounds good but it’s not how it is. Atheism, Humanism is taught

(I returned home to recount the story to my dad, who promptly shattered my wonder by saying, flatly and succinctly, ‘they lied to you.’ An atheist was likely born that day.)

, just as religion is! To suggest as Lalli has that an Atheist parent is providing and explaining UNBIASLY all beliefs to a child is a flat out LIE!

I raise my children as a Christian Father would, and an Atheist Father would raise his children likewise. No child is being forced into a belief, there being taught directly (word and action), or indirectly (household literature, art etc.)

“I was raised without religion, and without much understanding of what religion is.” Nica Lalli

Her article in my opinion is self righteous to say the least, trying to portray herself as free-minded without opinion. YOUNG CHILDREN HAVE HIGH OPINIONS OF THEIR PARENTS AND WHAT THEY BELIEVE!

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Question: does anyone know an Atheist parent whose child has become a believer of God?

I know some Christian that are now Atheist, because (in my opinion) they were not trained by their parents in the way they should go.

BFBF

My husband and I are both agnostic. I don’t talk to my child about religion other than to tell her that she will make her own choices about God.

If your belief system is a worthy one, you shouldn’t have to force feed it to your children or threaten them with damnation for having reasonable questions. When questions are discouraged by parents, thoughtful discussion is discouraged and healthy discourse is shut down. My daughter having the freedom to examine her own beliefs without ever being taught any kind of fearsome Bible stories is important to me.

As for a belief in God, I neither encourage nor discourage that.

But, to me, The Bible is as real as the myths of the Greeks or Norsemen, so of course I would never teach these things to my daughter as facts.

To clarify: A discussion about God and a discussion about The Bible are not the same discussion at all. The Bible is nonsense. The jury is still out on God.

I found this topic particularly interesting because my first child(a boy) will be born in June. My wife and I are both Atheists and we have discussed how to raise our son. I am proud to be an Atheist and so is my wife and we will teach our son that there is no god. Morally speaking we will teach him Humanist ethics and morals. As a Libertarian I will teach him my Libertarian values. My wife doesn’t share my politics so she will teach him, I presume, her more liberal politics.

I think it is good to teach a child that there is no god and I am not ashamed of that. As far as the “openess” discussed earlier…I have to wonder why it is an issue with Atheist parents. Do Christian parents expose their children to Atheism in a manner that would or could allow a child to become an Atheist? Isn’t the fact that a Chirstian child is often required by some parents to go to church on at least once a week (and sometimes more often than that)and participate in Sunday school, bible study, church youth groups, church summer camps, etc a form of indoctrination? If so, why should Atheist parents refrain from indoctrinating their own youth with their values? That is a terrible double standard.

I have often criticized religion as closing minds not opening them. That is often the subtext of debates about religion. But I find it interesting that “indoctrination” is deemed to be wrong only when applied to Atheist parents.

I am all about allowing my son to learn about other religions. He can explore all he wants. But, I will explain to him why I am an atheist and why I know there isn’t a god. But if the Atheists on this board believe religion to be bad, why would you expose your child to it?

BFBF said that Christian children who became Atheist “were not trained by their parents in the way they should go.” I think the inverse example is true. An Atheist child who becomes a theist was not taught properly by his or her parents.

I meant to add one thing. To answer BFBF’s question, I offer Jerry Falwell. Mr. Falwell was born to an Agnostic father and a grand-father who was an Atheist.

I feel that I am at a crossroads right now. My husband and I are both Atheist, though I am more Agnostic and almost leaning toward feeling more “ex-religious”.

My husband and I are trying to raise our children to be critical thinkers and teach them morality by reading Shel Silverstein, Dr. Suess, Madeline L’Engle, etc. (yes, you can find lessons in those readings- I highly recommend “The Missing Piece Meets the Big O”)

I had heard about a book called “In God’s Name”, a children’s book about how God means different things to different people- a lesson in tolerance, I felt. I checked it out from the library and gave it to my son to read.

After reading the book, he asked me who I thought God was. His question took me by surprise and I was not sure how to answer. I told him that I felt that God represented those things that I felt were bigger than I was, that were out of my control.

He then began to tell me what he believed: that God lived in heaven, which is in the clouds, and there is a devil living below the Earth. I started to ask him critical questions like, “How do we know there is a heaven” and “Do you think there is hell on other planets?”

It made me realize that my son had been exposed to bits and pieces of religious “playground talk” but did not really have a belief system.

I do not want my child to be “brainwashed” or taught not to think for himself, but I would be a hypocrite if I did not allow him the freedom to pursue his beliefs.

Have any of you experienced conflicts such as these?

Jen-
My wife and I are also Atheists and we are expecting our first child in about six weeks. We have discussed many of these issues so I will share with you what we have come up with.

First of all teaching a child your beliefs is not brainwashing. It is OK to tell a child that there is no god. It is just fine to teach him or her morals from sources other than the Bible. Since I believe these things to be true I feel I would be a bad parent not to teach my son these things.

I plan to teach my son morals based in Existential philosophy. That moral code states that it is because of an absence of a god that our actions have more weight and consequence and must be good. I find this much better than the conventional religious view which requires punishment of an individual for failing to behave morally. I like that I behave morally because it is good, not because I do not want to go to Hell.

I have heard the concern about brainwashing before and I am curious why Atheists seem to struggle with it. I suppose it is because Atheists see what they believe to be brainwashing in religion and want to avoid it in their system. This is well intentioned but wrong-headed thinking.

It is wrong to think that teaching religious beliefs is brainwashing, except in the most extreme cases such as the Branch Davidians or the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Brainwashing requires stripping an individual of all ability to decide for him or herself what he or she believes. Since you, as a parent, want your child to think for himself or herself brainwashing is not likely to happen.

I think you can allow your child to look into his religious beliefs and can prevent him from being brainwashed by either the religion he is investigating or you by challenging his views. Ask him questions, engage in debate and provide validation for your point of view. If he begins to believe in “divine intervention”, psychics, astrologers, etc…introduce him to the work of James Randi. If he can stay true to a religious belief after those kinds of debates then you can be assured he is not brainwashed by anybody.

I endorse philosopher and cognitive scientist Daniel Dennett’s view that religion should be taught about in schools, over and above what takes place between parents and children at home. Not that schools should teach religion per se, i.e. ritual or doctrine, but that religion as a perennial human historical and cultural expression should be taught about, without favoritism or proselytization. With the now-warm, now-hot debate over whether belief systems or scientific theories ought to take the lead in science classrooms, Dennett’s answer can be paraphrased as, give each their own venue and teach about each one conscientiously and in a scholarly manner.

There’s bound to be a clash in households when kids begin to lift their perceptions out of the confines of the parental home and start to explore the world of ideas, but that has always been true. At least giving kids formal exposure to the dynamics of belief and worship across cultures and time periods will give them some chance of interpreting today’s events intelligently. I would wager that a sizeable proportion of them might choose a life of worship, for the community and comfort that orientation can offer. Although I will suppose that a scholar’s approach to studying the history and archeology of scripture, which may not begin with faith on the part of the student at all, could be more likely to result in a relativist view of religion, rather than heightened dedication to a specific one. It’s only a supposition. Personal cases will take their own shape.

As long as the kids grow up with values and decisive behaviors that are conducive to the betterment of the human condition, what’s the harm either way? Surely a fundamentalist devotee who works to uplift humanity and reduce needless suffering is in some sense an ally with the atheistic materialist he is working next to. No? It’s not all about just trading in justification-by-faith for justification-by-denouncing-faith, is it? That would be a pretty shallow humanism.

I’ve been an atheist for nearly 20 years, and a parent for 14 of those. What I appreciate most about my lack of religious faith is that I came to it of my own accord. It wasn’t forced upon me, I wasn’t “indoctrinated” into my disbelief, it was all my own personal exploration and conclusions. This is exactly what I hope to provide to my daughter. The freedom to explore and come to her own conclusions.

An earlier poster commented that parents don’t expose their children to belief systems that differ from their own, nor do they provide unbiased answers to children’s questions regarding faith. I don’t know about other parents, but I can say for myself that I have definitely provided my child with those opportunities. When she began asking religious questions, I encouraged her to research the topic for herself. This included reading various religious texts, reading counterpoints to such texts, visiting a variety of faith organizations (from Catholocism to Unity to some non-defined spiritual groups and to atheists other than myself). When she specifically asked me what I believed, only then did I discuss the conclusions I cam to regarding the topic. I’ve tried to do the same thing for every social topic… politics, abortion, illegal immigration, poverty.

I feel comfortable enough in my own atheism to allow her the freedom to develop her own belief systems. Incidentally, this morning she chose to be baptized in the Presbyterian faith. I supported her in her decision because it is HERS, not because it syncs with my beliefs (and yes, I did attend because that’s a physical demonstration of my support for her and often carries much more weight than my words do).